How to Check in with Yourself and Others

A check in can mean everything, especially to those who are struggling. Checking in on your friends and loved ones can remind them that they are not alone, that you support them and that you are a safe person to talk to or reach out to when needed. Even if you are close to someone, you never can truly know what someone is going through- unless they open up to you. We want to acknowledge that opening up can feel scary and overwhelming! This is why checking in regularly with your friends and family can be essential. It can serve as an opportunity to create space to open up about mental health and remind those that it is safe to talk about things they are struggling with. 

Likewise, as you check in with your friends, it’s also important to check in with yourself regularly as well. Sometimes it can be helpful to check in on yourself before you check in on your friends and loved ones to see how much space you have to talk. Checking in with yourself daily can help you connect to yourself, your needs, feelings and emotions. It can also help you be proactive with your mental health and overall well-being while increasing self awareness, mindfulness and self-compassion.  

Things to keep in mind when checking in with others:

• You don't have to wait for someone to reach out first. It's ok if you are the person to initiate the conversation. 

• It’s important to keep checking in on those who have struggled in the past and even on those who seemingly aren’t struggling. 

• If you can, try to check in regularly as life changes quickly!

• Try to be non-judgemental, mindful and supportive.

• Don’t diminish their experience and feelings. Their experiences and feelings are valid, just like yours are. 

• Try to refrain from giving advice; instead offer feedback, encouragement and support. 

• Give them the space to open up and be patient with them! 

• Be there to listen, feel free to ask questions to engage the conversation to help create a safe open environment. 

• It’s ok to ask them if they need help with anything. 

• It’s ok to relate back to your own similar experience and what helped, but make sure to give them the space to talk about theirs too. 

Conversation Starters: 

Hi, 

“It’s been a while! Just wanted to check in to see how you are doing.”

“I’ve been thinking about you, how are things? Hope you are doing ok.”

“I just wanted to make sure you are doing ok! Always here for you!”

“I just wanted to let you know that I’m here for you if you ever want to talk.”

“I just wanted to see how your week is going :)”

“I miss you! Let’s schedule a time to talk soon :)” 

“It seems like you are going through a tough time, I’m always here to listen if you want to talk.”

Replies: 

“I’m proud of you and am here for you always no matter where you are on your journey.”

“I see you, I hear you and I’m here for you no matter what.” 

“I see how hard you’ve been working and all the progress you’ve made. You deserve credit for all of your efforts.”

“I may not know exactly what you are going through, but I’m listening and I’m here to talk. It’s ok to let it out, take your time, I’m not going anywhere.”

Helpful suggestions for talking to a friend struggling with their mental health: 

• Listen and be mindful of your response. Take a non-judgemental and compassionate stance. 

• It’s ok to be direct and ask direct questions about thoughts of self-harm or suicide- take these answers seriously. 

• It’s ok to encourage them to seek professional help or call a hotline, to reach out to their doctor, therapist, psychiatrist or medical professional. Ask them if they need help doing so.

• Stay with them, especially if they are dealing with active suicidal ideation and/or self-harm behaviors.

• You may have to be the one to call a helpline, early intervention services, or mental health professional. It’s always safer to assume that you are the only one that will reach out in crisis rather than leaving them to do it on their own. 

• If necessary, escort them to the ER, psychiatric hospital, or mental health services.   

https://afsp.org/when-someone-is-at-risk/

Checking in with Yourself

Things to keep in mind: 

• Meet yourself where you are at, it’s ok to be wherever you are at the moment. 

• Try to check in as much as possible whenever you have the chance- you can even set reminders!

• You don’t have to follow a specific format.

• Check-ins may look different everyday based on your needs. 

• Give yourself time and be patient with yourself! 

• Allow yourself to feel your emotions, whatever you are feeling in the moment. 

• Practice mindfulness and self-compassion. 

Self Check-In Questions

Q1)  How am I feeling emotionally? 

• Do you feel one or more than one emotion? 

• Can you name your emotion(s)? 

• Can you sit with the emotion? 

Follow up: what are some of the things contributing to your current emotional state? 

Q2) How are you feeling physically? 

• Are you tired? 

• Are you sore or tense? Are you in physical pain? Where in your body do you feel pain, soreness or tension? 

• Are you hungry or thirsty? 

Follow up: what are some of the things contributing to your current physical state? 

Q3) What do you need at this moment? 

• A break

• Nourishment

• Relaxation

• Alone time 

• Self-care

• A deep breathe

• To talk to someone 

• Socialize

• Help

Q4) Is there one action step you can take to take care of yourself and your mental health right now, today, this week, or this weekend? 

• Try to make your goal realistic

• There is no step too small.

Make sure to celebrate your accomplishments and if you don't get to do what you set out to, that’s ok too. Give yourself some grace!

 

Additional Add on Questions: 

Q5) What is one thing that I am proud of myself for? One accomplishment, one thing you want to celebrate. 

 

Q6) What are you grateful for? 

Q7) is there anything you can look forward to or plan? 

Q8) What are some words of encouragement you can give to yourself? 

Q9) intention/ affirmation for the day, moment or week

Q10) Is there anyone you can reach out to for support?