The Key to Let Go of Control is to Trust Yourself

Why We Hold On So Tightly

When life feels uncertain, our instinct is to cling to whats familiar. We overthink, play out “what if” scenarios, and try to control how others feel, act, or respond. But control doesn’t bring peace, it breeds anxiety. The harder we grip, the more our stomach knots, the more distance we create with the very people we care about.

I’ve noticed this most in my relationships, whether with family, friends, or partners. My trust issues make me replay scenarios, question motives, and imagine painful outcomes before they even happen. The pit in my stomach tells me, “If I can just figure it out now or predict it, maybe I’ll be safe later on.” But it never works that way. Instead, it leaves me more drained, disconnected, and further from peace.

The First Step: Trusting Yourself

Here’s the truth I keep coming back to: letting go of control doesn’t start with trusting others, it starts with trusting yourself.

Self trust is the anchor that keeps you steady when things feel uncertain. It’s the belief that no matter what someone else does, no matter what happens, I can handle it. I can give myself my own happiness. I can find peace inside me, not outside of me.

When you build that trust within, you stop outsourcing your peace to other people’s choices. You stop believing you need to control someone else’s reaction to feel okay. You realize:

• I can’t control whether they stay or leave-but I can control how I nurture myself if they do.
• I can’t control the past or future-but I can control how I show up right now.
• I can’t control others’ actions or opinions-but I can control my actions and the way I speak to myself.

The Practice of Letting Go

Letting go means learning to breathe through the discomfort of uncertainty instead of scrambling to fix it.

Here are practices that help:

• Ground in the present: when your mind spins with “what ifs,” pause and name five things you see, hear, and feel. Anchor back to now.
• Reframe trust: remind yourself, “I don’t need to fully trust this person, this situation, or the outcome right now. I need to trust me, that no matter how someone reacts, what choice they make, or how things unfold, I’ll take care of myself. I can handle it.”
• Journal the release: write down everything outside your control (others’ choices, outcomes, timelines). Then, on a separate list, write what is within your control (your response, your self-talk, your boundaries). Circle the second list. That’s where your energy belongs.

A Gentle Reminder

True freedom of the feeling of controlling others is rooted in surrender, sitting with the feeling and breathing through it. It’s not about giving up, it’s about trusting that even when the picture isn’t clear, life is still unfolding in your favor. Peace isn’t found in control, it’s found in trust. The more you build trust in yourself, the less control you’ll need over everything else. You’ll begin to feel lighter, calmer, more grounded. A secret to happiness really is to let every situation be what it is instead of what you think it should be, then making the best of it.