Michelle's Mental Health Interview

Who are you?

I am Michelle Lunger and I am 27 years old from New Jersey. I am a big mental health advocate and am very open about my mental health journey. I have been working with Ride The Wave (RTW) since our launch in 2019! I write for the blog, help manage and post on the RTW instagram, help plan our mental health events, and work on campaigns for new RTW merch launches. I love being a part of a community like RTW- a safe space where we can open up about mental health. Dealing with mental health challenges can be a lonely battle, but after joining, the RTW team reminded me that I am not alone in my struggles. 

Do you have a diagnosis- if so what? 

I have been diagnosed with a number of mental health conditions, but the ones that resonate with me today are Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD), ADHD- possible Audhd (ADHD + Autism Spectrum), and C-PTSD (Complex PTSD). These conditions affect my day-to-day life, my functioning, as well as mood, emotional regulation, and more. 

What does mental health mean to you? 

Mental health is health and it is very real and personal to me. I’ve been impacted by mental health/illness since I was young before I was even diagnosed with my own mental health conditions. My dad had bipolar disorder and would experience extreme episodes of mania. Watching my dad go through his own battles of depression and mania along with his extensive family history of mental illness taught me that I needed to take my mental health very seriously. Especially when I experienced panic attacks and depression for the first time. Although mental illness isn’t always visible, it can manifest physically. Medications alone are typically not a “ quick fix” for chronic mental health conditions. It is a journey that isn’t always linear that can require acceptance, can come with grief, constant management, maintenance, and support, but healing is possible if you put in the work!

When did your journey begin? 

My mental health journey began in 2016. I dealt with the trauma of my dad getting sick and this led to a build up of emotions that I suppressed as I got to college. The first semester of college I did pretty well, I made some of my best friends, and dealt with “normal” college stressors such as being away from home for the first time and juggling classes. But in 2017 following my first year of college, I started to have panic attacks that originally I didn’t know were associated with anxiety until they started happening more frequently and without a specific trigger that I could name. It got to the point where I didn’t understand what was happening to my body so I ended up in the hospital, but of course when it comes to anxiety it won’t show up in labs or vital checks so they discharged me after.

Feeling lost with no clear answers I sought out help from a psychiatrist, and was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder (MDD) and General Anxiety Disorder (GAD) at the time. I spent a time period of trial and error with medications, but I was able to find a medication that helped me manage the panic attacks. Although a lot has happened between then and now, more trauma, grief, diagnoses, hospitalizations/partial programs, and times I felt like giving up, I have persisted despite it all. I have learned, grown, and healed so much since then. Even though I didn’t have an easy start, my journey taught me how to be relentless and resilient, reminding me that I can get through my hardest days because I already have. Maybe there will still be tough days, because it isn't easy having a chronic mental health condition and healing isn’t linear, but I know now that overcoming those battles were not for nothing. 

 What has been helpful on your journey? 

The things that have helped me the most have been seeing a therapist regularly, finding the right provider, the right diagnoses, group therapy, and alternatives to traditional psychiatric medications- such as Spravato and Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation. Through therapy, learning coping skills such as CBT, DBT, and other helpful tools to cope with distress, anxiety, and depression allows me to have a sense of control when I am in crisis. Other than therapy I also think it is important to have a community of people who have been through similar things, who understand the struggles of mental health and mental health conditions. To me, nothing feels more validating than someone saying “oh I experience or do that too or I’ve been through something similar!” That is why RTW means so much to me, because we share our own experiences letting others know that they are not alone. Lastly, having a support system of people who are here for me unconditionally and consistently- through whatever situation I am dealing with at the moment. 

What hasn’t been helpful? 

Mental health is so nuanced and personal. I feel like a lot of mental health care professionals don’t understand this to the full extent or take that into account. Just because something is in the DSM (Diagnostic Manual) doesn’t mean it is a rule book or full proof. There has been so much controversy in the accuracy of the DSM and we are all still learning more about mental health and mental health conditions every day. Some psychiatrists/prescribers still rely on it for diagnosis and treatment when instead it should be used as a starting point while recognizing that treatment should vary care by case.  

As someone who is neurodivergent with multi-diagnoses, I have often felt dismissed, misunderstood, unseen, and unheard by a lot of mental health professionals. A lot of providers don’t take into account of all of my diagnoses and are quick to prescribe and diagnose without getting the full picture. This can be dangerous because medications and diagnoses are not something to take lightly. There are so many side effects of medications, potential discontinuation effects and withdrawal symptoms, as well as potential experiences of plateauing, which I have experienced. Not only those, it can also take weeks and even months to work, if it even works. In my opinion, there should be a whole risk/benefit analysis which a patient should not only be informed of, but also be a part of that process in making a decision whether to follow through. 

As for diagnoses and even misdiagnoses, this can impact a whole treatment plan and how an individual views their own mental health and/or internalizes it. I believe diagnoses should take into account the trauma as well as full past and recent history of medications and mental health struggles and strengths. There is so much overlap in mental health conditions as well as trauma symptoms which proves that a diagnosis isn’t always “simple” or quick. 

What are the hardest parts about having a mental health condition? 

I think one of the hardest parts about having a mental health condition is that it is a life long journey that can come with constant grief and acceptance that isn’t always linear. There will always be daily battles and struggles. Sure, some days are easier than others but the reality is that it is always going to be something I need to manage or maintain. Another factor is that treatment isn’t straightforward and it depends on numerous factors. This means a lot of trial, error, and risks. Sometimes treatment may only work for a period of time and then can lead to relapse and re-evaluation. 

When did you become a mental health ally? 

When I was in college dealing with my mental health struggles for the first time, I felt alone; like there was no one who could understand the struggles I’ve faced or anyone I knew who has been through similar. It wasn’t until I saw a post from a girl in my sorority who shared her mental health struggles publicly on social media. At that moment I knew I wasn’t alone and that I didn’t have to go through my battles silently. Inspired by her journey I started to find small ways of opening up through my own social media account through a few captions.  I even went to one of NAMI’s mental health walks. I felt like by sharing my story, it gave me power over my struggles. The person who inspired me was Courtney Glasser, the CEO of Grey Bandit and Ride The Wave. I have been so grateful to join that sorority and for meeting Courney because if I had not, I probably wouldn’t have the confidence to share my story and be a part of the RTW team. 

Before we launched RTW, I kept in contact with Courney after she graduated. I still remember when Grey Bandit launched. I felt connected to Grey Bandit’s mission because I love fashion and that they are also very real, relatable, and share my love for mental health advocacy. I knew I wanted to do something to continue sharing my story and help others know that they are not alone. So I started working with Courtney and Lindsey and RTW was born :)

What are some stigmas you have faced? 

Some stigmas I have faced in relation to my mental health have typically come from those who have a lack of understanding about mental health conditions. Although I internalized the things people have said about my mental health, I know that those who have said these things to me come from a place of concern. Through this, I learned how important it is to not only educate yourself but those around you about the things you deal with and to open up to them if you feel safe enough. It hurts being told these things, but the reality is that no one can “mind read” what you are going through. Also some people just don’t care to be open minded and unfortunately you can’t change their mind which attributes to stigma and only hurts those affected further. 

Some things that I’ve been called or things that have been said to me:

-You’re lazy, irresponsible, or you’re a mess. 

-I can pray my depression or anxiety away or that it is only temporary

-My diagnosis isn’t real or valid

-People saying just try harder, just keep going, don’t or stop thinking that way 

-I know it is hard but just try harder 

What advice would you give to your youngest self?

I would tell my younger self that you not only deserve to feel your feelings, but you are allowed to feel them, unapologetically. That you always deserve to feel seen, heard, and understood, even if you have to advocate to be seen, heard, and understood. You are capable even when you don’t believe it at the moment and you don’t have to let fear prevent you from whatever you set your mind to. You can get through your hardest battles; even the ones you don’t feel like you can or feel like giving up. You are not lazy, irresponsible, or a mess; you are someone who is doing the best she can despite all the things life throws you. You are not less than, you are enough just the way you are, even if you can’t see it at the moment or even if someone tells you otherwise. Lastly, you deserve to make it through this and you will be proud you did because you can heal and you can still live your life despite having a mental health condition, even multiple. 

What are you grateful for?

I’m grateful that I have a community like RTW and that I get a chance to work with a team that deeply cares about mental health. I am grateful that I have a great therapist that I’ve been seeing continuously for 8 years who I trust and makes me feel seen and heard. I’m grateful for the support of my family and friends, even the ones who may not understand to the full extent what I am going through, but are still here for me no matter what and are willing to learn how to support me. I am grateful for my dog Yoko who saved me through my grief and trauma. I’m also grateful that I get to share my story through RTW, letting others know that they are not alone. Lastly, I am grateful that I have the access to mental health resources. I know it isn’t always accessible to everyone struggling or in need, but that is why it is so so so important to fight the stigma surrounding mental health, open up the dialogue surrounding mental health conditions, spread awareness, educate others (and yourself), and even support organizations dedicated to mental health and care. 

Even if you felt like giving up, you have persisted despite it all. You have learned, grown, and healed so much since then. Even though it wasn’t easy, you learned how to be relentless and resilient. You can get through my hardest days because you already have.